


Matched

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Female James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Humor, I Don't Even Know, No Plot/Plotless, Random & Short, Tinder, Why?, dating apps, i dont know seemed compelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-03 02:25:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12739122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Jamie is attempting to study for her physics test when her phone chimes with yet another fucking notification from Tinder. She thought the app was stupid and a waste of her time but Sam insisted that she use the app. Sam obviously has issues.She picks up the phone mostly because Tinder, at this point, was marginally less painful than physics and raises an eyebrow when a pretty white boy’s face pops up on the screen. Sam had gone through this thing last night and must have swiped right on this guy. Out of some kind of misguided curiosity though she opens the message and as soon as she sees what he wrote though she rolls her eyes.Do we have class together? I think we have chemistry.





	Matched

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is. I just wrote a thing and was like hey, why not?

Jamie is attempting to study for her physics test when her phone chimes with yet another fucking notification from Tinder. She thought the app was stupid and a waste of her time given how many weird white boys kept trying to call her an African princess like Africa was a country or something but Sam _insisted_ that she use the app. Sam obviously has issues.

She picks up the phone mostly because Tinder, at this point, was marginally less painful than physics and rolls her eyes when a pretty white boy’s face pops up on the screen. Sam had gone through this thing last night and must have swiped right on this guy. If she wasn’t so convinced she was about to get a weird, vaguely racist comment she would have found him attractive but freaks congregated on his app. She knew because she once sat with T’Challa and watched all the weird messages that he got at a bar once. Her favorite reaction was that time that Shuri used the app briefly given that she got that African princess comment too, except she actually _is_ an African princess so her reaction was far more creeped out and confused, then offended that the person had no idea which country she was from.

Out of some kind of misguided curiosity though she opens the message- who knew, maybe she’d end up like Sam and get lucky. He and Bucky were adorable together and Bucky wasn’t weird when they met so there was hope. As soon as she sees the message though she rolls her eyes.

 _Do we have class together? I think we have chemistry_.

Next time Sam tried to act like this app was useful for anything other than finding men who clearly practiced their pick up lines on dolls instead of real women she was going to show him this message.

 _Sure we have chemistry, but I got hives when we tried to interact so boi BYE_.

She tosses her phone aside and picks up her stupid physics book and stares at the page for a solid minute as she attempted to read what was on the page. Her phone pings a few times and once physics starts to melt her brain she resigns herself to looking at whatever rejection message she just got. Hopefully this one took it well but her phone went off like five times so she doubted it.

_Shit, you gotta call 911_

_Cuz I just witnessed my own fucking MURDER hot damn_

_But for serious I think we have chemistry. The class._

_You go to MIT right?_

_Do u have chemistry I need to know when that assignment is due for Vankov._

For a moment she can’t believe her eyes because this guy either had the best curve in history or he was _actually_ in her chemistry class. She immediately sends screen shots to Sam because this was either really impressive come back or she just flamed this guy’s ass for no reason.

_Read the syllabus online, damn_

Harsh maybe, but the syllabus was online and easily accessible. If this guy got into MIT he was smart enough to find it.

_I already looked online_

_Vankov hasn’t updated the dates since 19 fucking 70._

_That senile fuck should be fired_

_Also he smells like cheese snatch_

Jamie can’t help the sharp laugh she lets out at- she checks to see who the hell she was talking to and notes that his name is Tony and his pictures mostly show him in MIT labs or with cats so that was promising- and settles in to check to see if his claims on Vankov were true. A quick search tells her that he was and she rolls her eyes. Fucking Vankov. No one liked him partially due to his scent but mostly due to the fact that his lectures were in the dank MIT basement that everyone was convinced was the set of a horror film.

_Ok so I checked and you’re right_

_So sorry for being bitchy with you_

_I cant believe you sent a legit question that doubled as a pick up line_

_I thought you were a creep trying to move in on me_

She considers going back to her physics but ends up abandoning her efforts for the night because this was getting interesting and also physics made her head hurt.

*

Tony shakes his head and grins at Natasha, “told you it would work,” he says and she stares off into the distance like her faith in women fell to nothing. In her defense he really did have chemistry with Jamie Rhodes and he really did need to know when that assignment was due, he just happened to send a pickup line that left him a viable back up option in case Jamie flamed his ass like Natasha predicted she would. Granted Tony hadn’t expected her to say she got _hives_ , which had made him laugh and solidified that she was more interesting than most of their classmates and then he sent in his backup to save his ass. Which worked.

_Well I mean if you want a pick up line…_

_If you were a vegetable you’d be_

He stops typing and looks up at Natasha because he couldn’t remember how that one went, “name a vegetable,” he tells her.

“Rutabaga,” she says and Tony flips her off because how the fuck was he supposed to work with that?

_A rutabaga_

He sends the message and glares at Natasha, who has realized what just happened and is now laughing at him. “Honey,” she calls to Pepper, “honey Tony just called some poor woman a rutabaga!” he flips her off but she only laughs harder at him.

_I swear to god if this follows up with ‘because I wanna rutaBANGyou’ I will end your life_

Tony stares at the message Jamie sent for a long moment before shaking his head.

_Fuck ur like 10X more clever than me_

_I just forgot the fucking pick up line_

_I asked a friend for a veggie and rutabaga was what I got_

_I sent it because I had nothing else_

_I’m so impressed rn_

“Tony, why the hell would you call someone a rutabaga? What does that even _mean_?” Pepper calls from the other room.

“Fuck if I know, I was trying to remember that one pick up line with the vegetable and I thought when I asked for Natasha’s opinion she’d give me a normal fucking vegetable. Apparently _not_ ,” he says, giving her a _look_. His phone alerts him to a notification from Tinder so he turns his attention to that.

_Cutecumber you idiot_

_I can’t believe that was just you asking a friend for a veggie_

_I thought it was gunna be creepy_

_Like damn I’m snatched_

Tony frowns, “is being snatched a good thing?” he asks because he had no fucking clue where this just went.

Natasha holds out her hand and Tony hands his phone over to her. She reads through the messages quickly and hands it back, “yeah you’re good. She’s impressed that you aren’t a grade A douchefuck.”

He shrugs and takes his phone back.

_Ok confession time that first line was actually a pick up line_

_I really do need to know when that fucking assignment is due tho_

_And I recognized you from my chem class and your smart_

_But I thought I should be honest_

_Before you get too ‘snatched’_

_Tbh I have no fucking clue what that means_

_Also your responses are LIFE_

_I read the hives one to my friend and she almost died laughing_

Pepper leans over his shoulder and shakes her head, “I can’t believe you just told her all that. Well, if she still doesn’t think you’re a creep it’s made to be. Either way you need to learn how to talk to women without using pickup lines thought up by 12 year old boys.”

_Ok now I don’t know whether or not to be impressed or if I wanna punch you._

_Vankov’s assignment is due next Thursday also_

Well, that was one problem down at least.

_Yeah. My friends (women) think that I need to not use pickup lines that are_

_This is a quote- ‘thought up by 12 year old boys’_

_But like I think my backup was good_

_Fuck Vankov tho- I think we can agree on that_

“So,” Natasha says, “should we throw a bra on a pocket pussy and write Tony’s ability to communicate with women off?”

Pepper shakes her head, “he can figure it out, I have hope,” she says.

“You guys know I’m _right here_ , right?” he asks them. They both look over at him but then turn back to each other and ignore him.

“His first approach is always an embarrassing pickup line,” Natasha says.

“He’s _nervous_ ,” Pepper says in his defense.

“He’s a fucking genius, he can figure out a better way to introduce himself. Like ‘hi I’m Tony’- how hard is that?” Natasha asks.

“I tried that once and panicked and accidentally introduced myself as Esteban and I had to leave the country. It was so embarrassing,” Tony says, remembering that moment all too well. Natasha, the fucking traitor, starts laughing but its Pepper’s laughing he feels truly betrayed by.

_Ok you know what I will give you a chance_

_Only because you’re at least honest_

_So what are you in MIT for?_

Tony holds out his phone as a victory trophy, “while you two debate on my ability to talk to women I have one who is perfectly willing to speak to me so _ha_ ,” he says in his own defense.

Natasha rolls her eyes, “yeah, okay Esteban.”

Pepper cracks back up again, “do you think JARVIS has a recording of it?” she asks between fits of laughter.

“I wasn’t in the house when it happened so no. Now stop laughing, it was embarrassing.” He didn’t go back to Italy for five years after that and he really missed the gelato. It was, as Natasha and Pepper would put it, a first world problem but he still felt victimized by that time he embarrassed himself out of a country for five years and missed out on a delicious treat.

“God it’s like he’s an alien pretending to be human,” Natasha says, snickering. Tony decides that he needs new friends and goes back to his phone.

_Are you always this weird?_

Yeah basically, which was what he sends back because he didn’t know what else to say.

_I was poorly socialized as a child_

_And also I’m a genius its hard to relate to people_

_Theyre so fucking dumb_

It sounded mean but they _were_. Pepper and Natasha were mostly exceptions to his general rule that normal people were boring. Pepper was freakishly good with numbers and business though and Natasha could kill a man with nothing but a pushpin, three small ribbons, and a robin’s egg. He felt that those qualities were interesting enough and Natasha’s love of memes only sweetened the deal.

_Lol_

_I’m a genius too and I relate fine_

_Looks like you’re the problem_

_Ouch ok that sounded mean_

_Consider it payback for that stupid line you tried on me_

Tony looks over the messages while Natasha and Pepper continue to argue about Tony’s inability to talk to women- or apparently _anyone_ now and it was a _him_ problem too. Damn, well that was unfortunate. Pepper and Natasha let him think it was everyone else that was the problem.

_Ok you know what_

_You told me you got HIVES_

_I feel like that was sufficient paybacks_

“Tony,” Pepper says and he looks up from his phone. “Remember that time with Christine?” she asks and Tony groans.

“Can’t you leave that alone?” he asks. One time, _one_ time he decides to sleep with the reporter and she writes a scathing article on him and his dick too. He was actually still friends with Christine but still, it wasn’t fun to find himself all over the news the next morning and Christine was smug about it too. In her defense she _did_ tell him she was a reporter, he should have put two and two together.

“For a genius you lack observation skills,” Natasha says.

“Um, excuse you, that’s not true. I just selectively notice things,” he says. Which was true. Normal people remembered birthdays and other useless information but Tony thought remembering the day someone was born was stupid so he looked for other details. Like what shows people liked- Happy likes Downtown Abby because he thinks its elegant- or what foods they ate, or what places they wanted to travel to. Things that actually told you stuff about a person, not stupid stuff that was irrelevant to a person’s personality.

Natasha considers this for a moment and nods, “actually that’s true,” she says. Pepper gives her a skeptical look so Natasha sighs, “when’s Pepper’s birthday?” she asks Tony.

“The fuck if I know. Feel free to buy yourself something on my dime though,” he tells her.

Pepper looks satisfied but Natasha obviously wasn’t done with her test. “What was the name of Pepper’s first pet?” she asks.

“Peaches, poor dog got hit by a bus and scared her for life so now she isn’t fond of small dog breeds. Except for pugs but that’s only because one of her favorite movies is Men in Black and she thought the pug was funny,” he says.

“I rest my case,” Natasha says to Pepper, looking satisfied. Pepper looks surprised.

“You remembered all that?” she asks and he shrugs.

“Yeah. It seemed important.” His phone alerts him to a new Tinder message and he looks back at it as Pepper and Natasha start a new argument on what Tony deemed important to remember.

_Ok you dropped a stupid ass pickup line on me_

_That would give anyone hives_

_Then you came at me with the greatest curveball of all time_

_And THEN you admit that it was all a ploy_

_Just saying you had that coming_

_But the hives are gone at least_

Tony grins and shakes his head because Jamie was fucking _hilarious_.

*

This was a stupid idea, she knew it was a stupid idea, Sam told her it was a great idea, which meant it was a _terrible_ idea, and when Bucky agreed she probably should have backed out immediately. Those two never agreed on anything- she’s seen them fight about everything from nipple pasties to German expressionism so the fact that they agreed that meeting Tony was a bad plan. But since he was funny and weirdly honest she ends up in a small coffee shop on campus prepared to run if necessary.

“Hey!” someone calls and she looks over to find Tony across the room in an obviously worn down MIT sweater with two cups in from of him. She sighs mostly to herself and walks over to him while silently praying this wasn’t going to go badly. She has three projects due so if this is a waste of her time she isn’t going to be happy about it. “I uh, got one of those mocha things that you like for some ungodly reason,” he says, gesturing to the second cup.

She raises an eyebrow, “greet a girl by insulting her, you sure know how to impress a girl,” she says and Tony turns bright red with embarrassment. It was actually enough of a reaction for her to find it endearing.

“I’m just saying that much sugar in coffee is blasphemy and an atheist so I feel like the fact that I think those things are a sin against god should be particularly noteworthy,” he says, gesturing wildly with one hand.

“Well I think black coffee tastes like the devil’s taint so I’ll take sugary coffee, thank you,” she says and slides into the seat across from Tony, who takes a second to process her words before he bursts out laughing.

“How is everything that comes out of your mouth gold? I still haven’t gotten over that hives comment and then you come out with this? You should have went into comedy,” he says and starts laughing again.

Well, that was certainly an improvement from insulting her coffee tastes. “If I had to get up on a stage I’d probably die. Actually I want to join the air force when I’m done my degree,” she says. Not that her parents approved- they thought it was a waste of her talents and intelligence.

Tony lights up though, “really? I love planes. Well, at least if I’m flying them- I’m not so fond if I’m not. I take it you also like flying?”

She smiles, “if I’m the one flying the plane, otherwise I’m not so fond,” she says and Tony laughs. That at least seems to break the remaining awkwardness and she learns that Tony talked a _lot_ but mostly out of nervousness or a genuine unawareness that he’s taking up a lot of space.

Aside from that she notices two things about Tony right away. One- he never doubted her intelligence and talked to her like she knew what he was talking about. And two- he was a surprisingly good listener even if the things he pulled from the conversation were weird as hell. She didn’t exactly expect him to start a conversation about her ability to bench press more than his weight and look genuinely interested when school came up in the same sentence but she went with it anyways. Mostly the conversation was easy and interesting thanks to Tony’s weird attention span.

“Okay, worst date you’ve ever had,” he says and she sighs.

“There have been so many. There was that time I had to escape out a bathroom window because I found out I was on a date with a republican, that time I got food poisoning and ended up hailing the porcelain throne at the Cheesecake Factory, or that time I thought I was going out to a movie with a friend until he tried to kiss me so I ended up lying and saying another friend of mine Sam was my boyfriend. The thing about _that_ though was that this guy for some reason thought Sam was my brother so he thought… well it bad and I’m not related to Sam and I’ve never dated him either.” Or even considered dating him honestly. Sam was awesome, but there was nothing there and he was with Bucky anyways. Now T’Challa, _he_ was cute, and then when she met his sister there was that time she found out she might actually be two percent bisexual. But then it was _Shuri_ , if people didn’t think she was gorgeous they probably had some issues or they straight up couldn’t see.

Tony lets out a sharp laugh, “shit, and I thought having a journalist write a mean article about me after a one night stand was bad. At least none of my dates have taken me to a _cheesecake_ factory. How the hell do you even make a date out of that?” he asks and Jamie frowns.

“It’s a resultant, how do you not make a date of that?” she asks and Tony frowns like he didn’t know that. After a few more moments it becomes clear he actually _didn’t_ know that and she squints at him, “how did you not know that?” she asks. Who the hell didn’t know what the Cheesecake Factory was, especially after the Big Bang Theory for some reason got popular?

They stare at each other for a moment and Tony frowns, “do you not know who I am?” he asks but the tone is surprised, not arrogant like she’d expect with a statement like that.

“Should I?” she asks, eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

He shrugs, “I mean yeah probably, I’m Tony Stark,” he says and suddenly every weird thing about him made total sense with that bit of information. He said he was poorly socialized, but that made a lot more sense when she knew that the kid basically grew up a child star and well, everyone knows what happens to child stars.

“Wow that was a helpful clue oh my _god_ I’m on a fucking coffee date with a celebrity and I didn’t even know it Sam is going to _shit_ I met you on _Tinder_. Okay I’m done with that- being a rich boy does not excuse you from not knowing what the damn Cheesecake Factory is,” she says and Tony frowns for a moment before he snorts and starts laughing.

“I think this might be the first time someone hasn’t recognized me since I was like… eight,” he says. “Thanks for not making it weird though- I thought you were way too chill about things from the start. I mean who tells a celebrity they gave them _hives_? Don’t get me wrong that was one of the funniest responses I’ve seen to a pickup line _ever_ but usually people aren’t that bold.”

Yeah, she didn’t doubt that. People probably either fawned on him- which she was _not_ about to do- or sent him death threats. Celebrities got treated _weird_. “In my defense people try to look like you all the time, it didn’t even occur to me that you were… you. And when you use crappy pickup lines on people that’s what you get. So why the hell are you on Tinder? If I get weird freaks you’ve probably got triple the weird freaks.” It was only reasonable to assume that he got odd comments from people thanks to his being seen as a mythical creature basically.

Tony sighs, “I had a friend decide Tinder was a great way to practice talking to women- which you know I suck at, actually I suck at talking to everyone- but anyways you know how that ended. Not well, I didn’t learn anything and one guy told me he wanted to lay eggs in my ass? I don’t know why people say this stuff to anyone before they say hello,” he says, wrinkling his nose.

Jesus and she thought that African Princess thing was bad, eggs were _way_ worse. “That’s fucking weird,” she says, “but you aren’t that bad of a conversationalist, you just need to stay away from pickup lines permanently.”

Tony sighs and leans forward, “okay but if I don’t say some stupid pickup line I say something far weirder and usually totally fucked up like the time I accidentally asked some poor girl who she’d put in a celebrity Hunger Games. I think a pick up line is less shitty than that,” he says.

Jamie snorts, “her answer should have been you,” she says and Tony snorts and starts laughing.

“Oh my god I would have died on the spot but that’s so funny. See, you’re all witty and clever; I have the social skills of a ham that’s simultaneously undercooked and overcooked. I’m a fucked up ham,” he says, throwing his hands up and shaking his head.

She can’t help but laugh at that, especially because he wasn’t wrong. “Talking to women isn’t even hard, talk to us like we’re people,” she says. Normally she’d find the advice basic and irritating to have to give out but Tony was… far more endearing in person than he was on video. She’s seen his interviews- he was an arrogant jackass in all of them, which made her wonder who the guy in the worn out hoodie was. Who was the image, the arrogant ass or the guy sitting across from her?

Tony rolls his eyes, “I know women are people, they’re people I prefer actually. People say guys are less drama but that’s not true at _all_. Guys are so weird and competitive and they always feel inferior around me so they try to build themselves up in really weird ways to get my attention- it’s not my thing. Women don’t bother with that, at least not the ones I talk to for more than five minutes. You’d probably like Natasha and Pepper, they’re awesome. Anyways, point is I don’t really know how to talk to people because no one really treats _me_ like a person. Treating people how I get treated ends with people printing nasty headlines about me.”

Her eyebrows rise because… well she never considered that before, that Tony was dishing out the same treatment he got. She sits back in her seat, “wow, that got real. To be fair you’re doing fine now,” she points out.

He shrugs, “you’re easy to talk to. And thankfully I haven’t said much embarrassing shit so there’s that.”

“You know I thought you were supposed to be suave and whatever,” she says and he laughs.

“Nah, I’m just used to interacting in certain social situations so I follow a script that works. That and I’m a celebrity so people are willing to overlook my basic lack of social skills,” he says. Yeah, she didn’t doubt that.

“No wonder you were so shocked by the hives comment. Kudos to you for not taking that badly though, most guys would have lost their shit.” Guys went from interested in her to calling her racial slurs and calling her a slut or a whore in a matter of _seconds_ if she turned them down. Unlucky for them she wasn’t much afraid of them and she was happy to crush their obviously pathetic egos.

Tony looks confused though, “okay like Pepper and Nat have mentioned that but what does that even mean? You weren’t interested, which was fine, even if I was hoping that asking about that assignment would save my ass. If it didn’t whatever,” he says, shrugging. At least he had a backup even if that’s what he should have led with, Jamie thinks, and his response felt natural and wasn’t pushy. That was why she responded to begin with.

She pulls out her phone and pulls up some screen shots she sent to Sam some time ago, “they mean shit like this,” she says and slides her phone over.

Tony bends over it and reads for a moment, his face going from somewhat curious to his eyes bugging out in shock. “What the _fuck_? Also how can you be an unfuckable slut? That’s an oxymoron,” he says, frowning at the phone.

“Oh you haven’t seen anything yet,” she says and finds that one screen shot of that guy who lost his shit when she didn’t respond within two minutes and hands her phone back to Tony. He reads it over and his jaw drops.

“Well good thing you didn’t respond to this one- did he seriously expect you to drop everything to respond to him? And then he flew off the handle and called you like seven different racial slurs. How do you even respond to that?” he asks, looking a bit pained.

Jamie smiles, “I found his mom on Facebook and sent her screenshots of this conversation. Needless to say she wasn’t impressed with her son,” she says and Tony slaps his hand over his mouth as he starts to cackle.

“Dude, you are _goals_. Pepper and Natasha will _love_ you oh my god. That’s brilliant,” he says. She nods because yeah, she knew. Being friends with Sam, the Petty Lord tm, has done wonders for her ability to deal with creeps and assholes.

*

Tony is one hundred percent offended at the skeptical look his mother is giving him. “You met your girlfriend through a hookup app?” she asks.

“You met dad outside a brothel, you can’t judge me,” he says and Aunt Peggy snorts into her coffee.

“Then you had a thirty year marriage to the man,” she points out, “let Tony have this. You know he makes no sense and does everything strangely.” He took offense to that even if she wasn’t wrong.

“You’ll like her,” Tony says. If she didn’t than there was something wrong with her obviously.

“Her name is ‘platypus’ in your phone,” Maria says.

“So? I like pet names,” he says. She’d been rather surprised when he decided Rhodey was way easier than Jamie but he knew five Jamies so he needed to make her different somehow. She called to Rhodey now so that was all that mattered to him. Of course it resulted in Sam calling him any stereotypical white boy name he could think of but he could deal with that. Bucky thought his pet names were adorable and Sam’s reaction to being called ‘honeybee’ was hilarious.

“That isn’t a pet name, Tony, that’s an animal,” Maria tells him. He so wasn’t telling her about ‘rutabaga’ then but that one was also an inside joke.

“Okay you know what, I don’t care if its an animal it’s cute okay? Just give her a chance, she’s great and her mom doesn’t hate me,” he says. It was, according to Rhodey, high praise coming from her. Apparently she was distrustful by nature and had high standards for her daughter as far as dates went. When Rhodey pointed out it would be difficult to do better her mom had pointed out that T’Challa was a prince _and_ he was richer. Tony hadn’t had an argument for that given that she wasn’t wrong.

But when she learned that Tony wasn’t a total asshole she warmed up to him a little, which had been promptly destroyed when she found out he didn’t know how to cook and restored again when he said he always wanted to learn. Howard hadn’t let him though thanks to his antiquated and bullshit ideas on gender though after his cooking lesson gone wrong he had to wonder if maybe Howard anticipated that he’d blow up the kitchen and didn’t want to pay for a remodel.

“Her mother doesn’t hate you?” Maria asks, squinting.

“In her defense if I had a daughter who was dating Tony Stark and I saw any of his public facing image I’d castrate him on site,” Peggy says and Tony stares at her in horror. To be fair his mom clearly takes his side in this too because she also looks horrified. “Stripper plane,” she says and Tony winces while Maria wilts a little because she couldn’t really defend Tony’s behavior in his early twenties.

“Okay that’s fair, even if I still think that is horrifying. Please leave my balls in place, thanks. And in my defense I knew all those women really well. Candy’s doing a PhD at Oxford, I set her up with a friend I have there and I hope it works out, they’d be adorable together,” he says, hoping that she and Charles hit it off. Charles was at least better at smooth talking than Tony… wasn’t.

Peggy gives him a _look_ , “Candy?” she asks.

Tony shrugs, “ I don’t think that was her real name but I wasn’t going to say anything in case it was. Seems insulting to ask if that was her stripper name if her parents _actually_ named her that.” Or he’d be a little insulted at least.

Peggy sighs, “god bless the woman who is willing to put up you with. I love you, Tony, but you have _got_ to learn how to deal with people. Preferably not after hiring them as strippers,” she says.

“Excuse you, stripping is an acceptable profession Peggy, those pole moves are hard. They tried to teach me but I fell on my head.” They all laughed too and looking back on it he deserved that even if he wasn’t impressed with it at the time. He did develop a new respect for looking sexy on a pole though because it looked easy but was a great way to maybe break your neck.

“Sure Tony. It’s the clientele that’s the problem. Now Maria, give his girlfriend a chance. You know he doesn’t bring anyone home,” she says.

“Yeah mom, be nice because I never bring anyone home except Pepper and Natasha but they’re in lesbians with each other so they don’t count,” he says, hopping on Peggy’s support train.

Peggy lets out another sigh and shakes her head. “I have no idea how you ended up so strange. Better than ending up like your father I suppose,” she says, shaking her head.

“I don’t disagree with that,” Maria mumbles. “Fine Tony, I’ll give this ‘platypus’ a chance.”

“Her name is Rhodey. Actually it’s Jamie but that’s stupid and her last name is Rhodes, which is more original and I don’t know five of those so I call her Rhodey,” he says.

“See what I mean by finding someone to put up with him?” Peggy says to Maria, who laughs. They both look amused though so at least they didn’t _actually_ think Tony was hopeless, just mostly hopeless and he couldn’t really disagree. Even Rhodey hasd to admit he was weird and awkward even if she also found those traits endearing. Once when he asked if it ever disappointed her that he wasn’t really what his public image was she laughed so hard he had been offended until she told him that if he was who he portrayed himself to be she’d hate his guts. That was a bonus at least, and she said that being an awkward genius was a far better image than an asshole genius. He respectfully disagreed and proceeded to roast Hammer thoroughly for the whole next class just because Justin Hammer was a nuisance who needed to be flamed.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
